Just Rambling
I'm still in Wheaton for about a week an a half more... and I'm still really tired, though this week is better than the last.My brain is about checked out and the classes have become a mindless routine each day. The information is so good, but I just don't have the strength to engage it as critically as I would like. I passively absorb it, full well knowing how valuable the content is. The minute I get back to China, all the concepts in the texts and discussions from the classroom will find their way to reality, enflesh themselves into the very real context in which I serve.
I ought to try and pay more attention in class, shouldn't I? I should get more sleep too.
I check the news as the world keeps spinning and my heart nearly falls apart each time... but I don't let it. I patch up the holes and get on with the business of the day to day. I'm not proud of it, but... at the least I know I'm human enough to feel the pain, to have to actively ignore it instead of numbingly let it pass without a second glance.
Nonetheles, it is still all too easy to just go on and live like nothing is wrong. I guess cause individualistically, there is nothing wrong around me. But I am not an individual... I am connected.
It's good that I still take a few silent moments out of each day to mourn with those who mourn... Mumbai, Beirut, and countless others.
I'm still here, I don't want to disappear.
That's the problem with a globalized information system and a heart that is made soft by the Spirit. Every day one is relayed the wounds of this fallen world and everyday one can potentially fall apart under that weight. Each day I'm reminded that much of what is out there is out of our hands.
Get on your knees...
There are still things to celebrate. Being back in Wheaton has given me to opportunity to connect with numerous friends. Just to sit with them is heavenly. I am overjoyed that so many are here and that I get to be in their presence for just a short while. I've actively chosen friends over school work more times than I can count now. I pay for it with extra late nights reading my texts and typing papers, but it's been worth every single minute.
There's nothing like being connected, loved and loving back. Helps remind me why I do the things I do. We are the Body.
I've got a slight head ache right now and still a little sore from playing soccer all afternoon two days ago.
It was the first time I've seriously played soccer since Jackson Road Elementary School during that 30 minute recess after lunch. I got a major cramp in my right calf because I'm so out of shape. I did score 4 goals though... somehow.
posted by Unknown @ 11:17 AM
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