Friday, March 31, 2006

Changing Roles

Cassi, our current Team Leader, will be going to Beijing in the fall to become the new Teacher Development Director for the whole company. This is a big “promotion” if you will, and fits right into her gifts. I’m proud of her for taking on the new challenge. I think Dad has indeed called her to be there, if only because I can see in her eyes a passion and a drive that can bring vision. It’s something I believe is given by the Father alone. It’s something that I think is vital for anyone moving into a new calling. All my best thoughts, wishes, and support will be with her as she makes this new transition from Wuhu, her place of service for three years, to the big city of Beijing.

And somehow, despite the fact that I’ve only been here half a year and my absurdly young age, the leadership in the region seems to see me as most qualified to replace her next school year.

So guess what.. . I’m probably going to be Team Leader next year.. .

But you know what is strange and somewhat disturbing? I don’t have any particular feelings or thoughts about the new change: becoming Team Leader that is. The responsibilities are on par with being a chair of a cabinet back in the OCO at Wheaton or a Chair position at CBCTG (some reference points for friends at home). I’ll be responsible for relationships with the school, setting the agenda for service and relationships, teaching, team dynamics, and all kinds of other stuff. Why is my soul so complacent about so important a decision?

Something in me says it has to do with my already jaded experience in leadership positions. I know that sounds terribly arrogant, but it is the way I feel. I’ve been ‘leading’ things since junior high school and the trend has never really stopped. Why would it stop here?

Such experience in leadership should not, however, allow me the space and comfort to see this new opportunity as “just another position.” No, this will be unlike anything I’ve done before and will call upon me to grow and serve in ways I’ve never dreamed of.

My mind understands the full implications of this, but my heart doesn’t yet.

Worse yet, I lack the passion and vision that I feel is necessary for moving into such a new role. I can say that I am certainly at peace with it, but for whatever reason I feel that this peace is not enough. So lately I’ve been seeking Father to begin burning in me a fire that can fuel my service and eyes that will be able to see clear direction.

Perhaps it’s another matter of trust? I don't know yet.

I've already been handed my first task to help organize the class schedule and load for next semester, a somewhat tedious process of negotiations with the Deans of the Foriegn Language Department. I don't like it so much. I feel pretty inadequate.

Hmm... I've been feeling pretty inadequate about a lot of things lately.

Either way, I’ll be going to Hefei this weekend for a regional meeting to informally begin a discipleship process under Cassi and seek some vision and understanding for this new work and role as a servant leader. I need to hear Father here so please be lifting the situation up.

Sigh... and let the changes keep coming.

posted by Unknown @ 1:14 AM