Rediscovery

Direction

“So what do you want to do exactly?” Leslie asks me. She’s a former Wheaton Grad and fellow newbie teacher in ELIC. Now we are both in the Wheaton Grad Program together. She graduated from Wheaton in 2001 right as I was getting in. Yea, am I a kid or what?

I didn’t really know how to answer the question. We had been talking about what we did as undergraduates in Wheaton. We’d both been RA’s and she had done the HNGR program in Uganda. I had a short stint with Arena Theater’s Work Out group. I talked about how I got involved with Global Urban Perspectives. She was at Wheaton while GUP’s predecessors, NCM and Rebuilders, was still active. I explained it simply as the natural extension of a ministry focused on urban needs, moving from a national level to a global one.

I didn’t really answer the question. I told her I wanted to something ‘urban,’ but come on, what does that mean? “Urban means so much now, what exactly?” she says. I didn’t know. She herself had taught in the west side of Chicago after she graduated. She’s had more ‘urban experience’ than me. We talked casually about how hard it would be to raise kids in the inner cities. She herself having experienced the riskiness of inner city schools first hand.

This simple five minute conversation over home-cooked pad thai is leaving deeper impressions on me than I would have thought.

He is in the little things. Listen carefully.

Last week I found my heart in the transformational principles of development and even this week I find myself using the same principles to address the intricacies of Spiritual Formation. I get passionate about all kinds of stuff, but when asked to put it down in a more concrete way I’m speechless. My life experience is next to zero compared to the amount of time I’ve spent thinking and reflecting about it. There’s a dis-connect here.

I have to build some bridges of my own here, first for myself before I can even dream of building them for others.

What has the Word been showing me? What story is it telling and what identity is it trying to affirm in me? One thing I hear over and over, that He is who He is, all powerful and loving, and that He is for us. The poems and the prophecies I’ve been reading all point to His justice and grace, His strength and compassion.

What has my experience been telling me? It tells me to trust. Over and over again at the end of every complaint, worry, and question I hear Him say to me, “Trust me.” I don’t know if I’ve actually started doing it yet.

Last sunday in a Thai/English Gathering the speaker talked about following visions given by Father,

These arrows seem to pointing somewhere...

This is all wonderful and inspiring, but the problem here is I don’t have a vision or big dream yet, not one I can articulate. It’s just a feeling, a stirring in the soul, a spark in the back of my brain shedding just enough light to see blurs and shadows on the wall that look so beautiful and intriguing that my heart simply basks in them without digging deeper.

Dr. King has been sharing about his beginnings and how the black community mobilized to challenge a system of evil through the Love that our Father teaches. I see all the principles I’ve learned last week at work here. I see the forming of souls that empowers as only the Spirit can.

Ha Jin is a clever story teller, but I can’t yet understand everything he hints at. The scholar enveloped in his hate for injustice only turns to hurt innocent ones. The kindergarten girl unconsciously finds joy in revenge. A ghost of a man amongst a billion other souls finds how easily society moves on without him. The fearless tiger-killer finds solace in his insanity.4

There it is... that’s something...

Cassi has been bugging me to be team leader next year for Wuhu. I’ve been jokingly ignoring her. I should seriously think on it, bring it before Father. I don’t get it, I’m still a kid... or at least I feel like a kid.

But.. .

When I was at CBC, I tried to strengthen faith...

When I was in GUP, I sought to teach and mobilize others to see bigger things...

When I was an RA, I tried to instill principles of grace...

When I was in DC, I hoped to love and serve humbly and simply

All this while I’m still seeking to make connections, reconcile relationships, and squeeze the Holy out of life wherever I might be.

I’m in China.

Listen to your life. What’s it telling you?

I’m sure it’s telling me a lot... but I’m still not getting it all. I made a commitment in the new year to listen more. I’m starting to realize why. Somebody’s got a lot to say to me.

Keep listening.. .

posted by Unknown @ 12:08 PM