Trapped
It was an issue of finding meaning, of breaking free from a cyclical trap imposed on her spirit.Looking back, I don’t quite know where the conversation took it’s turn, but somehow she cracked. Suddenly she starts going off on this explanation of how she feels trapped. She hates being an English major and being an introvert which evidently means she’ll never be a good English learner. She hates it so much she often just gives up in her studies. But wait, then reality sinks and and she realizes she’s got no other option. That’s when the guilt of filial piety and a restrictive educational system take their toll. She suddenly feels like a horrible student and gets to work, trying to catch up on all she's left undone. After more work, the frustration sets in again. The cycle continues.. .
She can barely hold it in... the tears begin to fall. I don’t know quite what to do. I am not in America. Different rules apply here. She is not a peer, she is my student. This is a first for me in China. What am I doing here again?
So I share the few words of comfort I can. I tell her it’s okay to cry. I tell her dad loves her, that he understands her better than I do, that what she is feeling is right: this world can be a trap. It all sounds so cliche, but I mean it. I tell her like I mean it, but she doesn’t respond much. Instead she grabs her things and says she should go. I walk her down and send her off. She doesn’t so much as give me a second glance, perhaps ashamed at the unexpected outburst of emotion, a loss of face. As I watch her leave her friends outside greet her. I wonder if she managed to dry the tears before they see her.
I wonder to myself, “how many other students feel this way?”
Please continue to think of these students in your quiet times.
posted by Unknown @ 12:43 AM
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